This weekend continued...

Sunday morning I woke up at 11:3o rested to the max. I walked into the kitchen to a pleasent surprise of my older brother Adam and his wife Jenny! The three of us immediately went out fishing for a few hours. We caught a few fish but wanted to try wakeboarding for a while. I have wakeboarded before but forgot how much muscle is needed to do it! It was really fun and I did pretty well but boy did I get sore! After wakeboarding we were all freezing because the weather was not that nice in Sunday. We built a bonfire and roasted hot dogs for lunch. Eventually I went into a food coma and decided to lay in the hammock for a little nap. Little did I know I wouldn't wake up until 3 hours later! I woke up and dinner was soon ready. We had deer steak, noodles, salad and french bread. Huge meal but sooooo good! Right after dinner Adam and Jenny left but soon after they left Alaina ( my sister) and her boyfriend Michael showed up. We had a bonfire and fished off of the dock with our lit bobbers until 1 a.m. Once I hit my pillow I was out! I woke up today around 11 and Alaina and my dad were already out fishing so Michael, Jake and I decided to go out tubing bright and early. We tubed until about 1 and then had some brunch. I feel like the majority of my weekend was eating! It was nice to spend time with my sister. I rarely get to do so. We layed on the dock out in the sun for a long time and I got quite a good amount of color, maybe too much! After that I took Jake tubing again because he begged me all day! He has had this really bad cold for a while and when I brought him into the dock he caughed so hard he threw up. Quite gross, but it convinced my mom to bring him to the doctor this week. Michael, Alaina and I then went fishing for 2 hours and caught so many fish! I caught the most but I caught the biggest also. It was a sheephead which are nasty but huge. For dinner we had a fish fry ( even though I don't eat fish) we also had beer can chicken and mashed potatoes. Jake and I left right after dinner because we wanted to try to beat traffic. What a good weekend!

Graduation

I cannot believe how fast graduation is coming up. I will admitt.. it is a little stressful. Planning my grad party that is going to happen in less than a month, trying to get my photographer to get my invitations done in time, and addressing all the envelopes will be hecktic. I think one of the hardest things about having a graduation party is who to invite. I mean, I have a very distant family and do I really want my parents to waste 2$ on an invitation just so I can send it to my aunt and uncle in kansas who I know wont come? Its all just about being polite. The last thing I could care about is people coming that I hardly know, let alone the awkward conversations with them that will follow. I would rather just invite my close friends and family who actually take action in my life, not people who hardly know anything about me. If I had it my way, I wouldn't invite the simple "small talkers" but i know that it is important to my mom that we invite those people as well. Last night I took a look at the scrapbook my mom is making for my graduation party. It was absolutely fantastic! My mom used to be an artist and she clearly has a lot of her talent left. The pages were creative and it was quite intrigueing to see all of the old pictures I have forgotten about.
Yes, I am very excited to graduate and move on into another big chunk of my life, but it is also scary to think about all the things I will be leaving behind.

18 and a HALF

Holy Moly its my half birthday and wow is that freaky or what? I am half way to 19 now which sounds scary because in my eyes 19 sounds so much older than 18. What I am trying to figure out is why don't we celebrate half birthdays like we celebrate regular birthdays? Maybe I am taking the concept too far but I would love to have two birthdays a year! Even just a little reminder that you made it another half of a year and get congratulations for that. I just can't believe how fast my live has gone. Just yesterday I feel like I was learning my times tables and now I just got my housing sheet for St. Cloud, where I will be living all year next year. My mom also said that time goes by so fast. In the blink of an eye she said all of us kids grew up. I mean my brother is 24 and married now! How scary! I feel like just yesterday he was throwing ice at my off of my deck while I was laying in my pool, like the immature teenage boy he was. Now he is working at a big business and has many responsibilities that do not involve pissing me off.
It's fun to know that in exactly 6 months I will be celebrating my 19th birthday and will be considered to be one whole year older. 19 here I come!

Different life styles

Going from one life style to the next is a change that is extremely hard to do. When we live for so long one way and then are forced to change and live another way, life becomes tough.
Even a year ago at this time I was living a completely different life. I had half of the worries that I have now. Also, my life was so stable, nothing ever went wrong. When I look back, I wonder how I ever got any excitement in my life at all! Though, changing to the way I live now was a huge turning point in my life, I believe it evolved me into the person I am turning into and will become.
The security my sister being at home was a magnificent thing. I always had her to turn to and talk to no matter what when I had a hard day. With her being way in Wisconsin at school, I do not have that type of support system anymore. She is so much like me that when I begin to explain how I feel about something she knows exactly what I am talking about. I guess you could say we are "cut from the same cloth".
Also going from a secure relationship that lasted almost three years to wondering if I will meet anyone that I am THAT compatable with is scary. When I lost that relationship I lost a best friend and someone who was always there for me. Though after time, I have though a lot about it and I believe that breaking up taught me a lot and I have learned who I am without someone else. When I have a night that I don't have work or softball all I want to do is relax at home. It would be nice to go back to having someone to relax with, like I used to have. Time is quickly passing and greiving over something I lost is not in my agenda. I believe that everything happens for a reason and we are meant to learn from our losses. Clearly we broke up so that I could learn a very important lesson about independency and life.
Living the life style that I live now is not such a bad thing. I am enjoying it more and more and always try to look at the bright side of things. Learning that I do not need anyone else to complete me, whether it be a boyfriend, a sister or anyone else that I feel is my "other half" I am happy being who I am, by myself, and learning the lessons taught by life itself.

Enough is enough.

As we get older we learn the reality that even though our parents said "You can do anything you set your mind to", it is not always true. Sometimes we try and try and can just never succede. How do we know when enough is enough? Is there a safe point in which we should just give up or should we keep trying until we get more embarrassed or discouraged? I have tried both. In past experiences I have learned that if you give up too early, then the question "What if?" is always asked. If we keep going until what we are shooting for slaps us in the face then we get embarrassed or let down. Is there a perfect time to just give up? Or is giving up out of the question?
When it comes to people, we may try and try to impress someone who just turns the other cheek. Do we continue to try to win them over or just let it go and always wonder, what if? I feel like everything is worth working for and I usually do my best to get what I want, therefore, giving up is out of the question. Even if I got what I wanted and it is not everything I dreamed of. at least I tried and conqoured. Some people are just too afraid to take chances, and in some cases I am one of those people. Getting hurt is a concern of all of us because no one likes to get hurt. Some days we just feel like giving up but others we would never even concider the thought of giving up. Life is all just one big trying experience.

It's a beautiful world that we live in.

My only goal for the day was to sleep in as late as I possibly could. I was home alone and did not get home from the drive in until about 2 last night. Completely exhausted is what I was because the night before I only got a few hours of sleep as well. When 10 O'clock in the morning came around I felt the hot sun gleaming in on my face from the half (moon-shaped) window that sits right about my bed. At the time I was a little annoyed that the sun just had to be right on my face but when I finally got out of bed I realized how nice of a day it was outside. Having a decent sized house and being all alone in it made me a bit lonely. Who wants to spend a beautiful day like this alone and inside? My parents and brother were up north in Pine City at my cabin and I knew they wished I was there but understood that I had to work on Saturday. I just filled up my tank of gas the other day and had no where to drive! After my shower I put two and two together and realized that I might as well drive the hour and ten minutes to surprise my family and spend the day with them. Noon rolled around and I was just minutes away from the cabin. When I pulled onto Tanglewood, the gravel road that leads to my cabin, I could smell a charcoal grill. Right away I knew it was my Dad grilling his infamous burgers that I've been craving since last summer. I pulled into the driveway and my parents spotted my white Altima. The smile that came to their faces will be planted in my memory forever. Their faces lit up like a Christmas tree and it made my whole week. At the cabin I had such a relaxing time. It's funny how just getting a hour away from home is such relief. I truly needed the time spent with my family and the fresh air that I received today!

People never stay the same

We think we might now someone as well as we know ourselves. For a point in time that may be true... but as time passes, they are changing more and more as a new day begins. Some people wish to be with someone until time ends, but is that really healthy? If one person is changing, either the other person will be repelled by it or change along with them. That could be a really good or really bad thing. Sometimes people change, things end, and you wish they never had. Then when theres an oppourtunity to retrieve it all, you just can't force yourself to go back to old habbits. They say "Old habbits die hard" which is true, but what if you have months and months to break those habbits and you do not want to get back into what you once had? I have heard people say "What is meant to be will be" but I do not believe that. If it was meant to be in the first place, it should have been all along. I do believe that everything happens for a reason though; we get hurt so we can become strong again and we make mistakes so we fix them and learn from what we have done wrong. If there was no wrong in the world no one would ever learn. When those tough times happen, its hard to believe that any good can come of it, but if we just hold our heads high and move on from the past we can learn that we become stronger people when we give ourselves time to get to know ourselves and individuals.